Where did everybody go?
by japa01
Summary: After Derek's accident he realizes that he has stronger feelings for Renee. He decides to leave everything behind - what he doesn't know? Meredith is already pregnant with Ellis. Story starts a few years after Derek has left his family. There will be many surprises coming along for Meredith and she will see Derek again. Co-Written with Curly97 and later on with Lolitsme2147.
1. Starts with Goodbye

**Meredith's POV  
**  
 _I was sitting on my doorstep,  
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,  
But I knew I had to do it,  
And he wouldn't understand,  
So hard to see myself without him,  
I felt a piece of my heart break,  
But when you're standing at a crossroad,  
There's a choice you gotta make.  
_  
We were standing at the hall of the Seattle Tacoma Airport.  
All the people were running past us in a hurry, but I couldn't move, didn't want to move.  
I had a lot of suitcases in my hands. I was so excited, but I was already very stressed out.  
Our flight would leave in one hour –I had one hour to say goodbye. Then I'd never look back.  
My life in Seattle would be the past. I need to put it behind me. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to make this step; to leave my hometown, my house, my friends, my hospital, to leave everything but my family.  
If I was honest with myself, I am scared. Would I make it? Was this really the right decision?  
There was no one who could give me an answer. I sighed audibly.

 _I guess it's gonna have to hurt,  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,  
And let go of some things I've loved,  
To get to the other side,  
I guess it's gonna break me down,  
Like falling when you try to fly,  
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
Starts with goodbye.  
_  
"Mommy, mommy!" a little girl came running, followed by her aunt, who was slightly out of breath.

"Aunt Tina bought me a pink candy bar." she said excitedly to me, and showed me her special candy bar.

 _I know there's a blue horizon,  
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,  
Getting there means leaving things behind,  
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.  
_  
"Oh she did?" I raised an eyebrow. "Did you say thank you to her?"

"Yep!" Ellis smiled.

"Good girl!" I said to Ellis and placed a kiss on her cheek. She was such a great girl. And she totally looked like her father.

"When is Uncle Alex coming?" Bailey wanted to know. Over the years, Alex had become the closest thing to a father –the kids adored him.

"He's coming in a few, Bailey. Don't be so impatient," Cristina said.

"I don't want to move, Mum. Why can't we just stay here?" he asked sadly. He didn't want to leave his friends, his aunts and uncles and his father-substitute behind.

 _I guess it's gonna have to hurt,  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,  
And let go of some things I've loved,  
To get to the other side,  
I guess it's gonna break me down,  
Like falling when you try to fly,  
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
Starts with goodbye.  
_  
"You know why," Zola grumbled.

"You don't want to leave either!" he shouted. "I want to stay here!"

"Okay! Stop it, now!" I said a little bit louder. "We have discussed this very often and you both know that we need to move, we have no other choice. So, I don't want to hear another word about this from you!" I said with my strict voice.

"Whatever," Zola turned around.

"Oh, boy, she talks like me," Cristina said proudly.

"Seriously, Cristina? Seriously? Everyone is freaking out and you…" I shook my head.

"You know that you could have this every day, if you would come with me to Zurich!" Cristina told me smirking.

"Yeah, right," I scoffed. "That's what I need." Why was everything so f*** complicated?

"So, are we cancelling the flight and you are going to move to Zurich?" Cristina asked hopefully.

"We are not moving to Zurich." Amelia said affirmative. "We have to do this."

No one said a word. This was the first time that day, that Amelia had said anything.  
Amelia was depressive and at home the whole day. Everything we did didn't help to make her less depressed. For a while, she hadn't said a word. Now she was saying one or maybe two sentences a day at least.

"Everything is okay, Amy. We're going, I promise," I said with a shaking voice.  
Everything was a mess.

My whole life was falling apart and I wasn't able to do anything against it. I did what I could, but it wasn't enough. Everything was too much for me. I just hoped that it would get better in our new life.

"Hi guys!"

That couldn't be true.

Slowly, I looked around and saw not only Alex.  
Maggie and Callie were also there. I didn't know that they were coming as I have already said goodbye to them because they had to work today.

"Surprise!" they laughed.

"Are you coming with us?" Ellis asked Maggie.

"Sorry, Sweetheart, but I need to stay here!" Maggie said and placed a hand at her very pregnant belly. She had married two years ago and now she was pregnant with twins.

"Oh, okay," she nodded.

"You didn't have to come, Maggie. You should be resting." I said to her.

"No. It's okay. I wanted to say goodbye to my sister and my little nieces and my nephew."

I smiled for a brief moment. Over the years, Maggie and I had become Close –it'd be hard, to lose her.

"You have to come for a visit when the twins are born."

"Sure." I would never miss out on seeing my little nephews or nieces or niece and nephew for the first time.

Jason and Maggie didn't want to know what they were having, so we had to wait. I was so happy for my little sister –she has everything she had ever wanted. But I was also a little bit jealous because she had a husband and she was pregnant and I had kids but I had no husband –to be honest, I was alone.

Zola walked over to Callie, "Where is Sofia?"

"She is coming with Arizona. They should be here soon." Callie answered.

"Really?" Zola smiled happily.

That'd be the hardest thing for Zola, saying goodbye to her best friend.  
Bailey and Ellis and also Olivia have already said goodbye to their best friends. Only Zola hasn't. I'm sure that she will start crying as she knew Sofia more or less from the day when Sofia was born.

I was sure that Zola hated me for leaving Seattle. But what could I do? I couldn't leave Zola here, but I also couldn't let Amelia down. She needed me.

Everyone needed me.  
I felt as I had no other choice than helping Amelia and moving. When I needed her, she was there for me and now as she needs me I have to be there for her.  
She was like a sister to me and she was counting on me.

"What's wrong, Bailey? I thought I'm your favorite uncle and I don't get a hug?" asked Alex, pretending to be hurt.

"I don't want to hug you because I don't want to leave you." my only son said to his father-substitute. "I can stay with you!" Bailey suddenly exclaimed.

"I'm sorry buddy, but you can't. Your mum needs you. She needs her only man in her life." Alex tried to persuade Bailey.

"No, she—" it was enough for me.

"What have I told you a few minutes ago?" I just wanted to leave Seattle, right now.  
Bailey got quiet and hugged Alex.

About half an hour before our plane leaves, Arizona and Sophia came. They were stuck in a huge traffic jam which was why they were so late.

"Fia!" Zola hugged her friend for more than two minutes.  
Our flight was called up. "Zola say goodbye to Sofia. We really need to go now." I told my eldest daughter.

Tears ran down her cheeks. "I'll call you, promise," she said quietly.  
"Sofia could visit us during her school holidays." I promised the two girls.

"Yeah?" Sofia asked, also crying.  
"Of course." Callie said.

"We have to go," I said, trying not to think about everything which had happened before.  
I brought our package to the check-in point and the kids followed me.  
Also, our friends came with us. Before we went into the passenger part I hugged everyone for one last time.

"Thanks for everything," I said to Alex.  
"You don't have to thank me. You are my best friend –person. That was a given." he said. After a few seconds he continued "Jo and I will visit you in a few weeks, hopefully."

I smiled. It'd be good to have them with me.  
"But we won't be able to stay longer than five days. We will have to get back to work then." Alex said.

"I know. I'll miss you. All of you," I said sadly.  
"We will visit you as often as possible." Callie promised me, "And we'll take care of Maggie."

I laughed. "Great."  
We said one last goodbye before we went into the passenger area.

No one said a word –even Livi was quiet.  
Zola carried Livi, while I shoved Amelia around. We had to pay extra for her to be able to fly with us.

 _Time, time heals,  
The wounds that you feel,  
Somehow, right now.  
_  
"I'm tired," Amelia grumbled.  
"You will be able to sleep at the plane." I answered Amelia. Today had been one of her talking days. Today, she had already spoken more than in the last three days together.

"Fine," she looked for a brief moment at Livi and then she closed her eyes.

A few minutes later our flight was called.  
A bus came and brought us to the plane.

I sighed. I'd never come back.  
I was leaving my home.  
I needed to do this. After everything that has happened in Seattle this was my big chance to forget about everything, to leave everything behind and start fresh.  
This is what we all needed.  
This is what we have to do.

If I had known at this time what would happen in my new life, maybe I wouldn't have made this step. Maybe I would have stayed in Seattle.  
But I had no idea.  
The plane took off. I looked one last time through the window at Seattle and said goodbye to the city which was for such a long time my home –I started to leave my past behind.

 _I guess it's gonna have to hurt,  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,  
And let go of some things I've loved,  
To get to the other side,  
I guess it's gonna break me down,  
Like falling when you try to fly,  
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
Starts with goodbye,  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,  
And let go of some things I've loved,  
To get to the other side,  
Starts with goodbye,  
The only way you try to find,  
Moving on with the rest of your life,  
Starts with goodbye,  
Na na na na na na na._

 _-  
Starts with goodbye – Carrie Underwood, _co-written with Curly97


	2. The Middle of Starting Over

**Meredith's POV**

 _Cast out to sea  
Drifting with the tide  
And no way of finding me  
Now that I'm free  
Nothing but blue skies  
Paradise in front of me_

"Please turn on your safety belts. We will land in ten minutes at the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport in Washington D.C., please stay in your seat. Thanks for flying with US Airways." a stewardess said over the microphone.

"Mom, we're here!" said Ellis, who sat next to me excitedly.

I opened my eyes— at some point, I must have fallen asleep. Tiredly, I rubbed my eyes and looked out of my window. "Thanks for waking me up, Honey." I said to my youngest own daughter.

She smiled, "no problem."

"Bailey," I spoke softly to him. "You have to wake up."

 _Awake from this dream  
I hold my breath and just believe_

Bailey and Ellis were sitting next to me. Zola, Olivia and Amelia were sitting one row behind as the plane only had three seats in a row.

"What?" he murmured sleepily.

"You have to wake up. We're almost there."

"What? I'm awake!" he said really fast. I just started to laugh. He was so cute.

"Yeah, I see," I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Aunt Amy is still sleeping," Zola said behind me.

"Please wake her up. And how is Olivia?" I said to my eldest.

"She's awake and smiling," Zola told me.

"Okay. But please wake your aunt up.", I said to Zola. After all she was my big girl and I could always bank on her.

"Oh no," she mumbled.

"Please, Zozo. I can't get up right now." I knew that Amelia was a little bit difficult at the moment. And she was really harsh and unfriendly, but I wasn't able to wake her up.

"Fine," she turned around. "Aunt Amy, you have to get up," she whispered.

Amelia grumbled. "Let me sleep, Zola." she just said. At least she wasn't rude.

"No, we have to get out, and Livi is awake."

"I don't want to see her. She is not my daughter. She is a b***." Amelia told Zola.

"Mommy?" Ellis looked at me scared.

What was Amelia doing? She couldn't talk like that in front of the kids.  
I mean she has never cared about Olivia, but she has never said such things in front of the kids. I was totally shocked. I decided I'd talk to her when we were alone– hopefully tonight. Maybe I could change her mind about Olivia. But I didn't have too much hope as she never really cared about the little girl, her own daughter.

I'd never say those words in front of anyone, but she hated Livi. After what had happened with Owen and also with her, she gave her own daughter the blame for it. She was so full of hate and grief that she wasn't able to see what she was doing. She no longer was the Amelia, who I had known. If I had let her go, she would have been addicted to drugs and alcohol again. I'm sure about this. Sure, I could understand that she felt horrible, but she had a daughter. At the moment, I wasn't doing all this things for Amelia anymore, I was doing it for Olivia. So she would someday get the chance to have a normal family.

 _Tired of all the troubles  
They've been wasting my time  
I don't wanna fight  
Gonna leave it behind  
Taking on faith_

To be honest, Livi is like a daughter to me. I have treated her like my own child since day one and I also have the custody for her. So by jurisdiction, she is my child— more or less.

 _Now I'm ready to fly  
I'm in the middle of starting over  
Back to the beginning  
Gonna hit rewind  
Chance to do it over  
Get it right this time  
_  
Luckily we could get out.

"Please, wait," I told Bailey and Ellis, "I have to help your aunt, okay?" They nodded. "Oh, and Zola? Could you please take Olivia?" I asked my oldest daughter.

"Sure," she smiled. The plane landed and we stood up.

"Don't run," I said to all of them.

"I won't run, promise," Amelia snapped at me.

"Don't be so rude, Amelia." I told her in a strict voice. Sometimes the only thing that helped was pretending that she was a little child.

"What are you, my mother?"

She was in a bad mood— this wouldn't be easy. "Just shut up!" I told her angrily. Suddenly Livi started crying, "Oh no," I hissed.

We stood up and I took Olivia and tried to calm her down. "May you take your Aunt?" I asked Zola.

She just nodded.

"Oh, baby girl, everything is going to be okay," I murmured to her. Olivia is so shy and skinny. She is so fragile. "Okay, we should get out of here," I said. Everyone except for Olivia nodded. Then, we went out.

 _Life gives you pennies  
Turn them into dimes  
I'm in the middle of starting over  
I'm in the middle of starting over  
Oh  
_  
It was the first time for me; that I was in D. C. D.C., the city which started everything. When I think about this city, I had so many bad memories. D.C. was the beginning of the end of my marriage and with this everything bad started. And now? Now I was moving to exactly this misfortune city.

No, it wasn't exactly my choice to move to D. C. but because of Owen's condition, we had to do this. He had to get better— for Amelia, for Livi, for all of us. I really hoped that this rehab center would help him and that he will finally wake up again.

"Where are we going to live?" Bailey asked suddenly.

"The big beautiful house with the big garden with the pond and the pool that I showed you." I answered.

"Really?" he gasped, "I thought…"

"You thought wrong. You'll like it," I smiled.

"You were not able to unify at one house, so I bought this one because it is big and it is disability-friendly."

"Thanks," Amelia scoffed, "You're such a good woman, Meredith."

"If you say another bad word we will take the next flight back and you can stay alone here and pay for everything alone! Is that what you want?" I was near tears.

"Wow. Calm down! I won't say another word today, ok?" Amelia said.

"Fine," I sighed.

 _Alone in a room  
Tearing down the walls  
Painting over scars and bruises  
Now this is home  
Fill it up with love  
And make the best of something new, yeah_

We went out of the plane and into the airport. The nanny and Amelia's nurse promised us that they will pick us up. So we will have a taxi and we will be able to get to know then. I haven't met them in person, yet— hopefully Amelia wouldn't scare them away. I really hope that the nurse had a really thick skin. She will definitely need it.

We were standing outside and waiting.

 _As hard as it seems  
I hold my breath and just believe  
_  
"I want to go back to Seattle," Zola said. I hope she'd stop talking about it, at least for today.

"We won't go back." I told Zola for one last time.

"But—"

"Zola, please," I turned around to her, "I know exactly how you feel, believe me, but we have to do this."

"Okay, Mum." Zola said sadly.

 _Tired of all the troubles  
They've been wasting my time  
I don't wanna fight  
Gonna leave it behind  
Taking on faith_

It hurt me— of course I did know how she felt. My mother did the same thing with me— she left Seattle because of everything. And she left my father because of an affair with someone who didn't want her in the end. Everything repeated itself. But I knew how I would be able to make it different. I would be there for my kids which was one reason why I took the job at the special rehab center/hospital and not the one that a private hospital had offered me.

 _Now I'm ready to fly  
I'm in the middle of starting over  
Back to the beginning  
Gonna hit rewind  
Chance to do it over  
Get it right this time  
_  
I wanted to give my kids everything that I didn't have. I wanted to spend more time with them and I also took it because of the money. They were paying me a lot of money. At the private hospital I would have gotten not even a third and I wouldn't have been able to pay for everything.

 _Life gives you pennies  
Turn them into dimes  
I'm in the middle of starting over  
_  
It was going to be expensive. The nanny, the Nurse, the house, the private school, the rehab center, the private kindergarten, the kids' hobbies. I even don't know where I should start.

"Oh, there you are!" a woman said to all of us. "I'm Elvira Dunkan, your Nanny." the woman introduced herself and shook everyone's hand.

"It's nice to meet you," she seemed friendly. But she had a strict posture. The kids will need a strict person to keep them in line. I'd have to work long shifts, so that I am able to pay for everything but I would have the weekends off.

"We should get in the car," Elvira suggested. "But we will have to split up, as there is not enough place for all of you in one car. So some of you will have to come with me." the woman next to Elvira said.

"Who are you?" Ellis asked curiously. The woman squatted down so she was able to look Ellis directly into the eyes and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't introduce myself. I'm Shirin Buchari, your aunts Nurse."

"Oh," Ellis nodded. "You'll take care of her, right?"

"Yes! But if you will have any problems, you can also ask me." she told Ellis. She was really nice.

"Thanks," I smiled slightly. At least, it seemed as if the nanny and Amelia's Nurse would keep an eye on everything, when I'm not at home. I just hope that they have a lot of patience, especially the nurse because she will need it with Amelia.

"I don't need you," Amelia snapped at Shirin. Why wouldn't she just shut up?

"Believe me Amelia, you will need her. Because I won't be there the whole time to put on your clothes, to bring you everything you need and to help you showering and going to the toilet." I hissed quietly into Amelia's ear.

Her facial features hardened and she looked coldly at me. "You're right, I need her. Because I can't look at you. You always think that I should be happy to have Olivia or to be happy that we all moved to D. C. but I hate you, Meredith. The only thing I want is Owen."

 _The colors and the stars  
Seem a little brighter  
Tomorrow isn't far away!  
Through the hardest part  
I'm working towards a happy ending  
_  
"Since you hate me, I can move back to Seattle and you can stay on your own and pay for your nurse and Owen's rehab center on your own. Do you want to do this?" I answered.

"We really should go," Elvira interrupted us, "I'm sure the kids are hungry." Yeah, we should go, otherwise I would freak out. Sometimes Amelia is just unbelievable.

"That's a great idea." I just said. The nanny had taken Olivia and the nurse had taken Amelia. I had the two big suitcases and the kids had their own little ones.

While we drove to the house, the nanny talked with the kids about everything. That was the reason why she had taken the kids with her. Amelia and I rode with the Nurse.

"So," Shirin looked for a brief moment at Amelia, "Do you want me to call you Amelia, Mrs. Shepherd or something else?"

"Decide on your own." Amelia just said with a frozen voice.

"Um, okay," she nodded.

"Don't call her Amy," I said. "She hates it. Only Derek—" I stopped. "Just don't call her Amy."

"Okay. So, is it okay if I call you Amelia? We are going to spend a lot of time together." she asked again.

"Yeah," Amelia muttered.

 _Tired of all the troubles  
They've been wasting my time  
I don't wanna fight  
Gonna leave it behind  
Taking on faith  
_  
It wasn't easy for her. When she and Owen were driving to one of her appointments, because she was pregnant, they had an accident. Owen had looked at Amelia's belly for one second and then he was on the other side of the street and a car drove into them. Since this day Owen is in a coma and his condition hadn't changed. Amelia blamed Olivia for the accident. That was the reason why she hated her daughter so much. It was the reason why she hadn't even touched her. And she also didn't give her a name. I gave her the name Olivia Kristen Shepherd-Hunt because the name Olivia reminded me so much of Owen and Kristen because of her grandfather Christopher and maybe also because of her uncle. Now, I didn't want to talk about Derek. He was the one who left me while I was pregnant with our daughter, Ellis. He never wanted to see her or anyone else from Seattle. He just walked out and no one had seen him again since today. I still couldn't understand what came over him. He wanted to have another baby with me, but then he left. I was angry.

 _Now I'm ready to fly  
I'm in the middle of starting over  
Back to the beginning  
Gonna hit rewind  
Chance to do it over  
Get it right this time  
_  
And now? I was moving to the same city where he was living with his... God, I hated Renee. I was just hoping that I won't see them.

"We are here," Shirin suddenly said when we arrived. The house looked amazing. But now this was it, there is no way of going back. We would live here in D. C., hopefully everything would go as planned.

Suddenly, Ellis opened the door at my side. "Come on, Mum. We need to go inside." she said with a thrill of anticipation.

At least Ellis was excited. With a sigh, I went out of the car and took her hand, "Let's go."

 _Life gives you pennies  
Turn them into dimes  
I'm in the middle of starting over  
_  
I took the key out of my bag and opened the door— this was our new house, our new life. This was our new beginning. Euphoric, I made the first step into our new house— into our new life. Everything felt so right. Yeah, it was the right decision to go to D. C. I had to start to put everything behind me. Derek and Seattle were the past, I had to accept it, if I want to move on.

Ellis, Bailey and even Zola ran inside the house and looked into every room. Amelia was unimpressed like always and Olivia babbled excitedly. We brought our stuff in, while Elvira started cooking. It was already late. The kids still explored the house except Olivia, of course. She was sitting on my lap. And Amelia, she was with Shirin, she helped her with showering.

"Are you tired, little girl?" I asked Livi, who was yawning. As an answer she rubbed her tired eyes. "Yes, you are." I said, smiling.

"Do you want me to take her to bed?" Elvira answered.

"No, thanks. I would like to do it myself for today. You know, it was a rough day for her and everything is new, so yeah." I explained to her.

"Alright. Dinner is about to be ready in ten minutes," she smiled and I went upstairs.

 _Tired of all the troubles  
They've been wasting my time  
I don't wanna fight  
Gonna leave it behind  
Taking on faith  
_  
Olivia didn't want to go to bed, she wouldn't let go of me. I sat on her bed and gave her a kiss, "I know that everything is new for you, but you'll like it Livi, I promise. And hopefully your dad is Feeling better soon. Everything will work out at the end."

She nodded and then I sang the same goodnight song for her that I had sang for Zola, Bailey and Ellis— finally, she fell asleep. I turned the lights off, closed the door and went upstairs again, so that we could start eating dinner. The table was already set and everyone except Olivia, sleeping upstairs, and I were already there, waiting.

The dinner was great, Elvira was a great chef. We were pleased we will be able to taste her cooking almost every day.

"Can we watch a movie?" Zola asked.

"Yeah, why not?" I said to my eldest. Together we went to the living room.

"Who's going to pick the movie?" I asked them.

"Me!" the three of them said in chorus.

 _Now I'm ready to fly  
I'm in the middle of starting over  
Back to the beginning  
Gonna hit rewind  
Chance to do it over  
Get it right this time  
_  
"Okay. Let's let Elvira and Shirin decide." I said to the three of them.

"I think," Elvira said, "we should watch a Disney movie."

"Which one? We have nearly every Disney movie from the last ten years until present?" I laughed.

"Cinderella!" Ellis exclaimed.

"I know that Cinderella is your favorite one, but we should be nice and let Elvira and Shirin decide." I told Ellis.

"Fine," she sat down.

"I love Snow White, what about you?" Shirin asked Elvira.

"Yes, Snow White is a good choice." Elvira agreed with Shirin.

While we watched the movie, we all ate ice cream, even Amelia. She seemed relaxed— she knew that everything was going to be better, for all of us. It felt right to move to D. C. I had no doubts. I looked around at my great family and it was the first time in a long time that I was really happy.

 _Life gives you pennies  
Turn them into dimes  
I'm in the middle of starting over  
I'm in the middle of starting over  
Oh!  
_  
 _-  
The Middle of Starting Over – Sabrina Carpenter, _co-written with Curly97


	3. Million Faces

**I am sorry that we kept you waiting, but unfortunately my co-writer Curly97 cannot write this story with me any longer. So, I had to find a new co-writer which is why this chapter took a bit longer. I would like to thank Lolitsme2147 for agreeing to be my new co-writer! :D  
I really like writing with you.**

I would like to thank all of you for your patience. Enjoy the chapter and please leave us a review! :)  
Yours japa01 & Lolitsme2147

 **Meredith's POV  
**  
 _Oh the phone, you know it never stops  
It's the last thing I hear at night and the first thing in the morning  
And as I let it start to burn my head  
You slowly creep into bed and I'm done with all the talking  
You say you know how I'm feeling, I just need to try to settle down_

Oh a million faces pass my way  
Ooh they're all the same  
Nothing seems to change anytime I look around  
Oh who knows just what the future holds  
All I want to know is if it's with you

I was sleeping in my bed. Yesterday was an exhausting day and a long night. Olivia started crying shortly after the older kids went to bed and I could not calm her down. She was so confused because of the new environment and because of the time difference. It had also been her first time in an airplane and she was so fragile. She was already smaller than all the other kids her age and she was so shy and although I always tried to do my best to not let all the problems with Amelia and Owen come to her, I was sure that somehow, she felt what was going on. She was a really smart and sensitive child.

I was still half sleeping, half-awake when I heard a loud noise on the floor. It was like something fell onto the floor and broke into thousands of little pieces. I got up and went outside. I looked around to notice a shattered lamp laying on the floor. Probably the cause of the sound. Ellis was standing next to it and I heard someone closing the door to his or her room. But I assumed that it was Bailey's.  
Ellis had this McDreamy look. The one Derek always had when something happened or when he wanted something from me. It was so hard to be mad at her when she had that look. She was so much like him. But I couldn't think about him. I couldn't think about him anymore after how much pain he caused me. I had three kids and a tiring job. I had no time to think about Derek.

"Go into your room and change. I will look after your aunt and your little cousin. Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes.", I told Ellis. Then I cleared away the shards. Afterwards I picked up Olivia. I took her downstairs with me. I went to Amelia's room and knocked on the door. "Amelia, are you awake?", I asked before I entered her room. I heard no reply. I decided to push open the door. The sight before me was different.

Amelia was already sitting fully dressed in her wheelchair. Shirin was with her. "Hey! You are already here!", I said surprised. "That's my job.", she said smiling. "But, how... How did you get her dressed already?", I asked Shirin really surprised. "I have my tricks Dr. Grey!", she said smiling. "Well, thank you!", I said even more smiling. I greeted Amelia good morning but she did not respond, of course. It would have been too perfect if she would have said something.

I went out of the room and into the kitchen area. The nanny was also already here and she was making the breakfast. I was completely shocked as this was totally different than what I had been doing for a while now. Well at least one thing was crossed off today morning's to do list. "Good morning!", the nanny said when she noticed me. "Coffee is ready and some tea for the little girl!", she said. "Thank you!", I said smiling. Elvira came to me and picked up Olivia. I guess today would really be a good day! I graciously accepted the coffee cup and took a long sip. It's been a while since I've been able to relax like this ever since Derek left. But being a mom of three, I have to push myself daily.

Speaking of the kids. They just entered the kitchen and surprise, surprise, they were fighting. I sight. I guess today would not be as relaxing as I thought. Luckily, I had to go to the hospital today. Otherwise I do not know what I would do to my kids if I had to spend the whole day with them, although I love them so much. It's not that easy being a single mom. I used to look at single mothers and have major respect for them but now, I don't know how to handle it. I wonder if they're would be anything new at the hospital today. Maybe a multiple MVC to get my mood up? Ugh. It's bad of me to think that way but these days I have nothing else to look forward to other than seeing my kids after a long day. Someday, I get worried about Zola and see if she misses her father. The same goes for Ellis and Bailey. It was hard for me to grow up without a father and I don't want to be as harsh as Ellis. I promised myself it would never come to that. I did everything to not let it come to that, but with Amelia and Olivia on my watch as well, I had to hire a nanny, although I have sworn to never hire a nanny for my kids. I always had nannies when I was little and I hated most of them. I just never wanted my kids to grow up surrounded more frequently by strangers than by their parents. But the situation with Amelia and Owen did not give me any other choice. I had to take this new job because it was better paid than a job in a normal hospital, plus I had fixed working hours.

Right now I was at my way to the research centre/hospital. "We are here! It will make 25 $.", interrupted the taxi driver my thoughts. I paid him the money and stepped out of the cab. I looked at the building in front of me. It was not exactly looking like a hospital. It looked like a mixture between a hospital and one of those big business towers they were building all around the world.  
I took a deep breath and entered the building.

"Today is going to be a good day." I repeated the mantra over and over in my head in order to just cool off. It didn't help that I was constantly thinking about the kids, Amelia and even Derek. But I had promised myself one too many times that I will not pay attention to him anymore. So, I took in the surroundings of the building I had just entered. It was a very new and modern building. A man approached me and told me to follow him. Together with him I went to the office of my new boss.  
With every step I was closer to my future. With every step, I was more nervous. With every step my anticipation grew. With every step my life changed a bit more.

 _Tired as hell and falling up the stairs  
Filled with a thousand cares as you walk out from the bedroom  
And though it feels like all my fire has gone  
Girl you just turn me on, can't believe how much I want you  
You say you know how I'm feeling, I just need to try to settle down_

Oh a million faces pass my way  
Oh they're all the same  
Nothing seems to change anytime I look around  
Oh who knows just what the future holds  
All I want to know is if it's with you

We're distracted by the hard times and the troubles that we make  
Let us throw them in the ocean, let it wash our cares away

Oh the phone you know it never stops  
It's the last thing I hear at night and the first thing in the morning

 **Derek's POV  
**  
*Biep, biep!*, the alarm sounded. "I don't want to get up!", a brown-haired woman lying next to me said. "I know, but we have to get to work, Renee!", I answered. She kissed me than. "Come on! We have to prepare everything for the president's visit tomorrow! And the new surgeon is starting tomorrow as well!", I told Renee. She got up and left the bed leaving me to process my thoughts by myself. As the ceiling fan spun quickly, it reminded me of Meredith's hair. They were both the same colour and so carefree. I know what I did to her was horrible but I couldn't say no. I haven't stopped thinking about the kids though. I always worry if Zola will not need me anymore as she has such a strong family. Or if Bailey even remembers his dad.

"Derek! You just told me that we have to get up and yet you are the one still in bed!", Renee hissed at me. I sighed and stood up. I went into the kitchen and prepared the breakfast. I usually made breakfast while Renee got ready. With all of her beauty stuff she needed sooo long in the morning. So, I always changed and went into the bathroom after breakfast and she always cleaned the dishes and the breakfast table and put everything back into the fridge. I began to grab some eggs and various breakfast ingredients for food. It's funny how Renee knows how to cook but still I'm the one doing it daily. Meredith couldn't cook to save her life. On Valentine's Day, many moons ago, I found her trying to cook something for me but I caught her just before the fire started to spread. From that day onward, she never even tried stepping into the kitchen.

Back then I didn't mind at all because Meredith was doing the dishes and she was the one cleaning and doing the laundry, but Renee isn't doing anything lately. Actually, I cannot remember the last time Renee cleaned anything. Of course, we had a housecleaner who was cleaning, doing the laundry and sometimes even the dishes, but if there was an emergency and we had to clean something I usually ended up doing it.

My thoughts were interrupted as Renee came out of the bathroom with steam flooding out. She walked over to the kitchen and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before grabbing a glass of water. I took this as my sign to go get ready and began walking to the bedroom to change. "Where are you going?" She calls out. I turn around to meet a fierce stare coming from her. "I'm going to get ready, remember?" I say and point back towards the bedroom. "Fine, but don't take too long." She huffs and turns around to face the stove where it appears she's watching the eggs.

I went to the small dressing room, that was opposite the bed and grabbed some stuff. Of course, I was going to wear a suit. When I looked at our dressing room, the first thing that caught my eye was that I had pretty much the same number of suits as Renee has dresses. But if you started thinking about it, it was pretty clear that I had so many suits because they were basically my work clothes. You cannot face the president in operation clothes or t-shirts and a polo shirt. That was just disrespectful to the president, to the country I am serving and to the whole organisation and my fellow colleges who always looked dressed on point.

Back in Seattle, a simple button down shirt would've done the deal. But it's much harder here. Always having to be dressed up. I miss Seattle sometimes. Not just for Meredith, but everyone else too. I miss the kids. I can't believe that Zola and Bailey are growing up without me. Meredith probably re-married and has her third kid now. She probably doesn't even think about me anymore. The kids won't even remember who I am anymore. But here I am almost 3,000 miles away. I grab a handful of ties without looking at them. But I shouldn't have done that. The infamous blue tie that Meredith always says brings the blue out of my eyes, sits there staring me in the face, and a rush of memories comes flooding back to me.

I was so happy in Seattle. We were happy. I was married to the most beautiful girl in the world and together we had our two amazing kids. But then D.C. came and everything changed. Meredith wanted to stay in Seattle because it was her home and her friends where here. When I think about it now, I think that she wanted to stay in Seattle because it was the place where she had been truly happy for the first time. She probably was afraid to leave because she thought that she would never find this happiness somewhere else ever again. She might have been right. I really think that Meredith would have hated D.C.. It was so busy all the time and even if we would have lived here together I would not have had nearly enough time for my family and kis. Most of the time I was working. I was very often working 7 days a week with only going home to sleep for a few hours.

I don't blame Meredith for staying in Seattle. If the roles were reversed, I would stay too. I wouldn't want to pack up and leave everything just to live on the other side of the country. It was more my fault for leaving. I forced her and gave her absolutely no choice. Though, I told her countless lies on how I was fine and how Seattle was fine for me, I hated it. And I wanted her to let me go to D.C but now, all I want to do is go back home. Home is where the kids are. Home is where Meredith is. Home is Seattle.

Unfortunately, it was not that easy for me. After a big fight years, ago after my accident I decided to fold up all my tent's and move to D.C. for good. I stayed there since and never looked back. I never contacted Meredith or anyone else from my old life, not even my mother and my sisters. I just literally folded up all my tent's. After some time, Renee and I became a thing and I know that this is best for my career and everything, but sometimes in moments of weakness and overthinking I looked back and I was sad about everything. But deep down in my heart I knew that it was the best for my career. If it was the right thing to do for my heart, that was another thing though. Renee started off as fine. But the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. I found out how stupid I'd been to leave Meredith. Renee couldn't even be compared to Meredith. It started as a fling but grew into something more elaborate than I had expected. It's funny because that's how Meredith and I had started. She was right when she said that I've done this before. Moved to a new city, and started something new with someone else. I did that with Addison and Meredith. And now Meredith and Renee. But at this time, I was already too deep in, so I could not go back. But I did not want to most of the time. I had my dream job and although I disliked many things of Renee, I still loved her. She was a nice woman and for the time being she made me happy. She understands me like no one else. We share the same beliefs and the same passion and we both were working really hard for this project. It was just nice to have someone who totally gets that. With Meredith, I never had that feeling, at least not since she had left the neurology and became a general surgeon.

Renee was fine. And I was perfectly okay with settling for fine. Sure, I missed Meredith and the kids but this was my life now. And there was no way of changing it. If things were supposed to be like this, then that's what's happening. I still loved Meredith. I never stopped, but Renee came along and she was now part of my life. It was hard to leave Meredith, definitely, but when I realized how much we were fighting constantly, I booked it faster than I ever had. Meredith and I promised each other no running but I was the one who ran. I regret it a lot. I regret how I left, so abruptly and coldly. It didn't help that I never got to say goodbye to the kids. But, I ran and there's no way I'm coming back from that.

"Honey, are you ready?", Renee called from the kitchen. "Yes, yes. I am coming!", I called back. I finished dressing and washing my face and brushing my teeth before I went back into the kitchen/dining room. Renee has finished with preparing the breakfast. I sat down and we started eating. I finished my meal as fast as possible while Renee took care of some other stuff that I didn't pay attention to. After we both ate, put everything away and got all our stuff, we left the house. We took my grey BMW and drove to the research centre. I parked on my parking spot at the back of the building and we got out of the car and went inside the building.

The place reminded me of Seattle a lot. I missed Seattle. But this was my home now. The doors to the building opened and we walked in together. A slight whoosh of air hit me as the doors opened. I sauntered over to the elevator and pressed on the floor needed. The elevator doors opened and Renee walked in first, with me following. In no time the elevator was on the floor needed and we both stepped out. Renee went to her working space in the lab and I went to my office. My secretary was already waiting. The first meeting would start in five minutes. I still had five minutes to spare before the meeting with everybody. I sat in my chair and placed my briefcase nearby. I began to sift through my huge piles of paperwork which I had been buried in. I finished a couple of papers before my mind began to drift. I looked through the glass behind me to see a woman holding a coffee mug and shuffling some papers around. My mind wandered to thoughts of Meredith. Now that the day I left her was coming around, I found myself thinking a lot about her... like always around that day. I took a deep breath and left my office for another long and rather boring meeting.

 _Oh a million faces pass my way  
Oh they're all the same  
Nothing seems to change anytime I look around  
Oh who knows just what the future holds  
All I want to know is if it's with you_

We're distracted by the hard times and the troubles that we make  
Let us throw them in the ocean, let it wash our cares away  
We're distracted by the hard times and the troubles that we make  
Let us throw them in the ocean, let it wash our cares away  
Let it wash our cares away, let it wash our cares away

 _-  
Million Faces – Paolo Nutini, _co-written with Lolitsme2147


End file.
